Celine Micro Luggage antics

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Scientology's 5 Newest Celebrity Recruits After he simultaneously impregnated and asexualized Katie Holmes, we're all a little sick and tired of Tom Cruise's Scientologyrelated Celine Micro Luggage antics. Luckily, there's a brand new list of celebrities that the CoS has marked as next in line for access into the Scientology jet. Or boat. Castle? Where do Scientologists practice? Anyway, here's a list of the lunatic Scientology prophets of tomorrow. Granted, they're not all Scientologists yet, but give it a few years and they'll be drinking the Scientology KoolAid. Or eating the Scientology Taco. Sucking down the Scientology Slurpee? Anyway here they are.

For years, rumors about their respective sexualities have plagued Will and Fritosized beard, Jada PinkettSmith. Enter Scientology. As a ruthless corporation able to smokescreen the private sex lives of celebrities, the Church actually provides a pretty valuable service (but come on, John Travolta, meet them halfway. You can't suck the lettuce out of your boyfriend's teeth on a tarmac and expect Scientology to use its Men in Black mind eraser on America. "But I did Celine Bag Sale it in front of a plane!" That's not how it works, John. You just made the plane gay too).

In a 2007 interview, Smith admitted to studying Scientology with Tom Cruise, but then probably realized how crazy that sounded and backpedaled with a weak qualification that he's a "student of world religions" in general. "Ninetyeight percent of the principles [in Scientology] are identical to the principles of the Bible. I don't think that because the word someone uses for spirit is 'thetan' that the definition becomes any different." Big Willy Style makes some cogent arguments here, as would be expected of a man who's pretended to be a sassy cowboy. Anyone who's read the Bible can tell you the terms "spirit" and "frozen alien volcano ghost " are pretty interchangeable. Ask a Celine Handbag priest!

But the biggest indicator that Will thought Men In Black was a documentary was when he and Jada spent millions to found Celine Nanno Tote the New Village Leadership Academy, a school based on the teachings of Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard.

When an actor thinks he's smart enough to educate his Celine Phantom Cabas children in his kitchen, that's a harmless joke, because everyone sort of understands that Will Smith's kids are going to grow up and be retarded, and that's funny. But when he builds a school and starts handing out diplomas to the neighborhood kids, the joke's gone a little too far. If the Fresh Prince wants to take out his son's tonsils, that's between him and the police, but that doesn't make him a doctor, no matter how many times he paints HOSPITAL on his garage door.