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fantasy football and more

Welcome to the All Purpose Playbook, a Buzzer column that is (1) either a guide to many things NFL and wagering, such as survivor pools and teasers and UGG Classic Short fantasy football or (2) a road map to hell. Check back here on Thursdays for more football picks, a smattering of GIFs and occasional nonsense.

Here we go friends, time to get rich or suffer a turnover fueled emotional breakdown trying. Last week we posted a 1 2 mark, winning on a Titans (+5.5) cover against Washington, losing on the Raiders (+3.5) versus the Cardinals in a 24 13 loss, and the Giants +7 at the Cowboys in a 31 21 loss. This takes UGG Bailey Button the season underdogs tally to a sterling 6 5.

Carolina Panthers +5 vs. Seattle Seahawks

It's amazing how quickly fortunes and perception changes in the NFL. No longer are we discussing Seattle's vaunted defense, the "Legion of Boom," Pete Carroll's sunny demeanor and how the Seahawks players practice yoga.

No, after dropping two in a row and seeing its points allowed balloon from 14.4 per game in 2013 to 23.5 this season (19th in league), the chatter concerns departed utility knife Percy Harvin as a locker room cancer, Russell Wilson's racial identity, and the Hawks possibly adding a 13th man because the 12th man has not delivered enough noise at CenturyLink field (the last bit is false, to my knowledge).

Anyhow, we've got a couple teams with an identity crisis here and shaky offensive lines. The 3 3 Seahawks will fly cross country for a date with the 3 3 1 Panthers (where Seattle narrowly won 12 7 in their season opener last year), who allowed fewer points last season (15.1) than only the Seahawks, only to see that figure explode to 27.9 this season, fourth worst in the league.

Said linebacker Thomas Davis this week (emphasis added): "We're not executing, we're not making plays, and we're not competing hard enough. We have a lot of guys on a consistent enough basis not going out and not competing hard enough and it's showing up. We've got to do a better job."

They've gotten embarrassed and I expect them to show up for this game an opportunity to make a statement against a solid opponent, defend their home field and put claws into the NFC South lead, a division that's collectively 8 17 on the season. This line opened with the Seahawks a 3.5 favorite and it's risen because the public still thinks Pete Carroll is going to wave a wand and fix the Seahawks.

The good news this week is that this Sunday the Bears play. on the road, where they've posted a 3 1 record. Like Carolina's Thomas Davis, Bears wideout Brandon Marshall had some harsh, honest words for his team.

"We're 3 4," Marshall said after the team's latest home loss to the Dolphins. "We need to play better. That's unacceptable. That's unacceptable. Unacceptable. Shouldn't have lost today. Shouldn't be 3 4. Offense gotta play better. It's as simple as that."

(This clip from "Adventure Time" is only 17 seconds; just stay with it if you're unsure):

Like the Seahawks, the Patriots will draw a lot of public action (63% of spread bets so far) like they did for their last home contest against the Jets, a game that saw the Patriots go off as a 9.5 point favorite. In case you forgot, or if you're a Jets fan who managed to obtain a "Men in Black" mind eraser, the Patriots won 27 25 after blocking a Jets field goal as time expired.

It was truly a historic loss for Jets, who became the first team in NFL history to lose a game in which they had at least 200 rushing yards, possessed the ball for 40 plus minutes, and did not turn the ball over. Incredible.

Anyhow, the story in Patriots camp this week is a cute UGG commercial with Tom Brady and his dog Lua, not the coronation of Pats rookie QB Jimmy Garoppolo. Winning cures most things but not everything: the Patriots are still without one of leading running back Stevan Ridley, linebacker Jerod Mayo and now they'll have to replace defensive end Chandler Jones, who will miss a month with a hip injury.

Again, I hate taking the Bears, but I think getting 6.5 in this spot is a decent bet, and then we can go back to hating the Bears the week after. ET on FOX, perhaps the greatest argument in favor of a London team so Brett Smiley and men like him can watch football for a consecutive 14 plus hours every Sunday.

Given the commitment to football in London, I think the league should incorporate at least a modicum of Great Britain culture in the game. Actually, I really just want to see players wear helmets covered by tall furry hats (fake fur obviously, lay off me, PETA!)

Here's the crux of the reason I think I'm going to lay 3.5 on the Lions: the Falcons are a really bad football team! They've got a patchwork offensive line, a middling UGG Classic Tall run game, and the league's second to worst defense. Meanwhile, the Lions UGG Classic Short are tops in the league in defense.

I don't know why this line isn't higher. These are not your heavily penalized, Jim Schwartz led Lions anymore. I guess people see that Calvin Johnson is out and panic, although Johnson has returned to practice and may be a gametime decision, if only to mess with the Falcons' gameplan. Wideout Golden Tate is no Megatron but he's done a damn fine job with the torch in Johnson's absence, grabbing 32 balls for 448 yards and two scores in the past four games. And in case you missed his reaction to the Percy Harvin trade to the Jets, during which time details emerged about the Harvin Tate scuffle in January:

Very nicely done. In even better news for the Lions, if their kicking adventures continue, they can just leave a scout behind to watch some talent in the English Premier League.

SURVIVOR POOL ANALYSIS: AMERICA'S TEAM

Last week I wrote the obituary for my own survivor pool entries, but I'll offer my thoughts for those of you who've still got a pulse.

So you've made it about halfway! Good for you, friend.

For rest of you, the Chiefs should make a decent play but if you're feeling a little frisky, it may be worth zagging with Miami at Jaguars. I'm sure the Jaguars blew up some of your poolmates last week, so maybe you've scared off them a bit, but the Dolphins are still a bit underrated and should play a quasi home game in Jacksonville.